Sexuality(6 sections)
Fatherless children are exposed to more types and styles of sexuality than fully-fathered-children.
Fatherless children also experience more sexual abuse than fully-fathered-children.
They often have less supervision than fully-fathered-children,
which gives lecherous adults - access to these children,
sometimes through the negligence of the custodial mother.
Less daddy-monitoring also gives young people opportunities to use their sexual imaginations in an unhealthy manner.
SEXUALITY
Chastity
Apart from rape/grooming, we each have control over our sexuality,
and must decide if, when and how we will use our sexuality.
Likewise, married people who say 'Yes' to what God says 'Yes' to in marriage.....are chaste.
(do not confuse the word 'chaste' with 'virginal'. 'Chaste' means sexually-compliant with God)
Married-chastity is different from Unmarried-Chastity.
A world with only chaste people would have much less pain.
My perspective on the three states of sexuality:
1) Chaste
The chaste person says 'Yes' to what God says 'Yes' to,
1) Chaste
The chaste person says 'Yes' to what God says 'Yes' to,
and says 'No' to what God says 'No' to.
2) Promiscuous
The promiscuous person says 'Yes' to what God says 'No' to.
3) Prude
The Prude says 'No' to what God says 'Yes' to.
God's rules for the same sex-act will change according to our marital status.
2) Promiscuous
The promiscuous person says 'Yes' to what God says 'No' to.
3) Prude
The Prude says 'No' to what God says 'Yes' to.
God's rules for the same sex-act will change according to our marital status.
************************************
A man or woman who says 'Yes' when God says 'No'; is promiscuous.
A spouse who says 'No' to sex acts with the other spouse -
A spouse who says 'No' to sex acts with the other spouse -
that God says 'Yes' to - for married folks..... a prude.
(yet we should not be forced to violate our free will or violate an imperfect conscience)
Both single and married people who say 'No' to what God says 'No' to.....are chaste.
(there are some sex-acts that no one should do, not even in marriage
according to the long-term health results of the act, or how demeaning it is.)
Both single and married people who say 'No' to what God says 'No' to.....are chaste.
(there are some sex-acts that no one should do, not even in marriage
according to the long-term health results of the act, or how demeaning it is.)
Likewise, married people who say 'Yes' to what God says 'Yes' to in marriage.....are chaste.
(do not confuse the word 'chaste' with 'virginal'. 'Chaste' means sexually-compliant with God)
Married-chastity is different from Unmarried-Chastity.
And one can be a victim of sexual assault or sexual abuse,
and still be 'chaste' as an act of their own will.
Another odd aspect of this topic: I've read of women who were promiscuous when single,
Another odd aspect of this topic: I've read of women who were promiscuous when single,
yet became prudish after marriage. This is regularly reported by married men.
Some reasons for this, apart from the usual difficulties in marriage?
1) Some single people's sex drive is rooted in their desire to rebel against society.
When sex is no longer an act of rebellion, sex can become a chore.
1) Some single people's sex drive is rooted in their desire to rebel against society.
When sex is no longer an act of rebellion, sex can become a chore.
When they marry, sex loses its luster.
2) Sex can be an act of submission for the spouse with the lower sex drive.
This can bring resentment, and a further regression of the sex drive.
3) Some girls who were promiscuous when single,
try to 'repent' by shutting down their sex drives after getting married,
This can bring resentment, and a further regression of the sex drive.
3) Some girls who were promiscuous when single,
try to 'repent' by shutting down their sex drives after getting married,
once they finally secure a husband. Promiscuity was a tool to try to get a husband.
(This tactic mostly fails. Virgins get more proposals than promiscuous girls)
4) Some girls were pressured into pre-marital sex by their now-husbands
and are now simply punishing the husband for the shame.
Finally, to prudish spouses:
4) Some girls were pressured into pre-marital sex by their now-husbands
and are now simply punishing the husband for the shame.
Finally, to prudish spouses:
Remember, there is a difference between modesty and shame.
Modesty is appropriate for public behavior.
But there is no reason to be ashamed of our bodies or passion in the marriage bed,
Modesty is appropriate for public behavior.
But there is no reason to be ashamed of our bodies or passion in the marriage bed,
and seeing how much fun we can have with the parts we were given.
God imagined, designed and created every inch of our bodies,
obviously with sexual pleasure in His plan.
But why this rule against unmarried sex?
* Well, chaste people don't create sad, unguided children out-of-wedlock.
But why this rule against unmarried sex?
* Well, chaste people don't create sad, unguided children out-of-wedlock.
* And chaste singles are less likely to emotionally-bond with selfish, under-motivated,
or unscrupulous people that will cause them lifelong problems, difficulties and regrets.
A world with only chaste people would have much less pain.
This is true, but it does not cancel God's love for those of us who have 'illegitimacy'.
SEXUALITY
Emotional deprivation can lead to sex-depravity.
Men that have lived through fatherlessness need to be careful...
not to become sexually-depraved while trying to fill that empty dad-spot in their hearts.
Some people are like Swiss cheese - their hearts are full of holes.
Deprived childhoods can lead to depraved adulthoods.
I don't know how much more I can say about this publicly
without bringing up examples that would not edify the casual reader of this website.
Those deeper investigations should be explored with a qualified counselor.
Deprived childhoods can lead to depraved adulthoods.
I don't know how much more I can say about this publicly
without bringing up examples that would not edify the casual reader of this website.
Those deeper investigations should be explored with a qualified counselor.
And this goes for all types of vices available in this day and age.
alt.sex
Fatherless people are the most likely to be drawn to into harmful lifestyles as they grow toward adulthood.
One type of harmful lifestyle is sexual perversion.
Bluntly, God's highest plan for sexuality is one, life-long, heterosexual marriage.
I grew up, knowing two boys who became gay.
They both had weak fathers; their mothers ruled the home, and each woman ruled her own husband.
These boys were indirectly-fatherless.
I suspect several possibilities with these two boys:
1) These boys simply wanted to be powerful adults,
and adopted the female personality because they imitated the most powerful person in their houses...their mothers.
2) Perhaps they despised their mothers and wanted to show their mothers how a woman should properly behave,
so they took up the way they did. I suspect some m2f-trans/cross-dressers are like this.
3) Perhaps they craved a real man in their lives, so they transformed themselves into creatures
they perceived that a man would want to spend time with. Those two mothers certainly did not ooze femininity.
(I believe this is a source of a lot of gay/trans activity...fatherless boys looking for men.)
4) Some boys were sexually molested by older gay males,
and molested in a way that they also received sexual gratification.
(This is a major difference between 'grooming' and 'forcible-rape'.)
Some of these victims believe since they experienced sexual pleasure from someone of the same sex,
they must be naturally homosexual. Not true.
More on that, later on this page.
New Testament, Book of Revelation, Chapter 21, verse 8
"I was born this way"
Some people involved in the alt.sex lifestyle are convinced they were 'born that way'.
Let's pretend for a moment that this might be true.
Well, most of us are also born as natural liars.
* Lying naturally suits us and furthers our personal ambitions in life:
* Lying helps pretend we are something we are not.
* Lying helps us claim things that are not truly ours.
*Lying helps us make others look bad (which makes the liar look better)
* Lying helps us avoid consequences for our own wrong doings,
which means wrongly blaming others.
<-------- Yet this Bible verse says: All unrepentant liars will spend eternity in Hell.
"I was born this way." is an inadequate justification for the alt.sex lifestyle.
And there is no higher power or court to appeal to
when sentences are given on that Great Judgment Day.
Because of something called 'sin nature',
we are all born with certain tendencies that will eternally doom us if we don't escape them.
"I was born this way" will not hold up on the Judgment Day.
SEXUALITY
"I was forced to do sex things, but I enjoyed it!I'm terrible, aren't I?"
"I was molested as a child, but how am I any better than the man that molested me?
This is how God designed us. This craving, properly controlled - or not,
Puberty hit me at 12-years-old. Parts of my body I seldom thought about,
Unfortunately, violent people (some violent people are very gentle), used you as a sex toy.
That person knew more your body, than you did,
and played you like a violin. Your body responded.
You were misused.
Take it at that.
.
Also know this:
A boy being manipulated by a man to enjoy a sex-act does not mean that boy is a homosexual.
The boy should not accept that message from his pervert-molester.
He is simply a boy who was molested by a perverse male.
A girl manipulated by a woman to enjoy a sex-act, does not mean that girl is a lesbian.
The girl should not accept that message from her pervert-molester.
She is simply a girl who was molested by a perverse female.
Acknowledge the situation to God,
A good church will help you find a person to speak with about your tragic abuse.
He...convinced me - - - - to let him - - - - touch me.....in ways..... that made me feel good.
Then he told me - - - - that since I enjoyed it - - - - I was just as responsible as he was.
I feel dirty."
Then he told me - - - - that since I enjoyed it - - - - I was just as responsible as he was.
I feel dirty."
Okay. There is a lot to unpack here, for victims of either sex,
but it can be resolved.
Let's go.
but it can be resolved.
Let's go.
When we reach a certain age, some body parts become 'erogenous zones' ,
which become more sensitive to touch than when we were younger.
which become more sensitive to touch than when we were younger.
and seem to link up with our genitals.
This is part of 'puberty'. Our genitals and erogenous zones, when touched a certain way,
This is part of 'puberty'. Our genitals and erogenous zones, when touched a certain way,
can bring feelings of pleasure - and a craving for something more that we may not understand.
This is how God designed us. This craving, properly controlled - or not,
can bring conception between a male and female.
Puberty hit me at 12-years-old. Parts of my body I seldom thought about,
became erogenous zones...like when the girl behind me in class ... whispered my name
and touched my shoulder with her wrist to pass forward homework toward the front row.
I developed a libido.
A libido is like a hunger, mostly in the belly and groin, that will manifest itself.
And erogenous zones are used to both excite and satisfy the libido.
I developed a libido.
A libido is like a hunger, mostly in the belly and groin, that will manifest itself.
And erogenous zones are used to both excite and satisfy the libido.
This is called sexual arousal and climax.
Like physical hunger, sexual arousal may manifest itself,
Like physical hunger, sexual arousal may manifest itself,
contrary to the preset plans we have for our bodies.
Sexual abstinence until marriage - is a form of a fast,
abstaining from what would be outside of God's will for us, given our unmarriedness.
But at the same time, our bodies are maturing, and we can have cravings we don't understand.
Here's the key:
But at the same time, our bodies are maturing, and we can have cravings we don't understand.
Here's the key:
* God designed our genitals and other 'erogenous zones'
to respond in certain ways to certain stimulation.
* Those 'zones' have no ability to discern between right or wrong.
* Zones, of themselves, cannot discern between single-touch, or married-touch
* Zones, of themselves, cannot discern between single-touch, or married-touch
or stepfather-touch or teacher-touch, or neighbor-man-touch etc.
Sexual arousal works on certain nerve endings being manipulated certain ways.
* They can only think, 'eh', 'Feels Good!' or 'Hurts!'
* And if the zones are manipulated skillfully, our zones will send pleasure messages to our brain.
* And if the zones are manipulated skillfully, our zones will send pleasure messages to our brain.
***********************************
Let me insert another personal account here:
I was sitting on my deck with my wife and some youngsters we know.
My wife was talking to them, while I was half-dozing in my chair.
.
The three-year-old, while my eyes were closed, came over to me,
and to get my attention, rubbed my zipper (not yet old enough to understand 'private parts').
.
Frankly, in a doze, with my eyes closed, it felt marvelous.
Let me insert another personal account here:
I was sitting on my deck with my wife and some youngsters we know.
My wife was talking to them, while I was half-dozing in my chair.
.
The three-year-old, while my eyes were closed, came over to me,
and to get my attention, rubbed my zipper (not yet old enough to understand 'private parts').
.
Frankly, in a doze, with my eyes closed, it felt marvelous.
My groin didn't know or care who did it.
My groin thought on its own and sent positive messages to my brain.
.
I opened my eyes and was startled and momentarily ashamed, when I realized it wasn't my wife.
(though that too, would have surprised me, given the circumstances)
My groin thought on its own and sent positive messages to my brain.
.
I opened my eyes and was startled and momentarily ashamed, when I realized it wasn't my wife.
(though that too, would have surprised me, given the circumstances)
And that it was a young male of our species.
...This is how our erogenous zones work... independent from logic or morality.
Our erogenous zones respond... without analyzing the source of the pleasurable feelings.
...This is how our erogenous zones work... independent from logic or morality.
Our erogenous zones respond... without analyzing the source of the pleasurable feelings.
'Zones' don't analyze - they simply respond.
They operate like you or I - when we see huge cupcakes in a bakery shoppe window.
They operate like you or I - when we see huge cupcakes in a bakery shoppe window.
Who cares who made the cupcakes, eh?
Then our brain has to decide what to do with these pleasure-messages.
Then our brain has to decide what to do with these pleasure-messages.
This is where it gets dicey.
1) A young person may be groomed to believe that what the molester wants is proper and good.
(especially when authority figures are involved)
This gives the groomer access to the genitals and other erogenous zones,
This gives the groomer access to the genitals and other erogenous zones,
which lets them manipulate those parts, to create sexual arousal, which may bring 'consent'.
(but is an 'inappropriate consent and compliance' because of the child's age.
Inappropriate consent, no matter how gently it is procured, is still sexual violence.)
It is violent because of the age of the victim.
This is why slow-grooming is so wicked.
2) An adult female, after being restrained, (according to the 'R' movies I saw as a young hedonist)
It is violent because of the age of the victim.
This is why slow-grooming is so wicked.
2) An adult female, after being restrained, (according to the 'R' movies I saw as a young hedonist)
can sometimes be manipulated with foreplay,
either with or without inhibition-lowering chemicals.
Sometimes, after a time, skillful foreplay might produce sexual arousal, compliance
Sometimes, after a time, skillful foreplay might produce sexual arousal, compliance
and temporary consent.
This type of consent is still a form of violence.
This type of consent is still a form of violence.
******************
Now, what about you?
Now, what about you?
If you were a victim of grooming, you were given a body,
with certain parts capable of sexual arousal under certain conditions.
Unfortunately, violent people (some violent people are very gentle), used you as a sex toy.
That person knew more your body, than you did,
and played you like a violin. Your body responded.
You were misused.
Take it at that.
.
Also know this:
A boy being manipulated by a man to enjoy a sex-act does not mean that boy is a homosexual.
The boy should not accept that message from his pervert-molester.
He is simply a boy who was molested by a perverse male.
A girl manipulated by a woman to enjoy a sex-act, does not mean that girl is a lesbian.
The girl should not accept that message from her pervert-molester.
She is simply a girl who was molested by a perverse female.
Acknowledge the situation to God,
along with a local person experienced in helping sex-abuse victims
to calibrate and stabilize your perspective on their sexual abuse.
A good church will help you find a person to speak with about your tragic abuse.
