Shame
Too many times, when parents fail,
their children carry a load of shame...
shame for what their parents did,
that the kids are somehow obliged to carry.
'cause let's face it, when a parent damages their own children,
somebody needs to feel some shame.
If the parent won't feel the shame
it is often assigned to the child.
Some parents directly blame the child for family woes
including the absent parent leaving.
It happens.
"If you hadn't blah, blah, blah, your daddy wouldn't have left."
And sometimes damaged children take on that blame, by themselves.
Perhaps they decide someone needs to carry the shame,
so they step up and take the blame and the shame, hoping that one day it will go away.
These kids try to make up for parental failings.
How to fix this?
Shed the blame, lose the shame.
YOU are 100% in charge of how much shame you feel for things
that were never your fault.
One or both of your parents failed,
and maybe a few other adult family members too.
Let it go. Hand the shame over to whom it belongs.
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"But what of I did something I'm ashamed of?
I've made choices by copying my parents in the way they hurt others?
What do I do about that?"
Both good parents and bad parents pass their habits onto their children.
Habits seem to pass from generation to generation without much thought.
But if the habits are toxic, they need to be stopped.
So, if you have copied a parent's bad behavior, it's good for you to wrestle with this.
How do we deal with passed-down bad behavior?
The same way we deal with bad behavior that we learned on our own.
If it's also a sin, we need to take it to God and be forgiven.
If it's bad decision-making, seek mentoring on better decision-making.
SHAME
But!... just like your value, God has first rights to decide what you should be ashamed of.
No mere mortal has a right to put any shame on you that God wouldn't shame you for.
Take that home with you.