Who decides?(3 sections)
Sorting things out.
So many people marry - with expectations - that do not align with their spouse's personality.
They expect their spouse to change - to conform to their expectations,
thinking that their wedding ring is a magic remote-control device that will change their mate.
One spouse doesn't become the other spouse's property upon marriage,
although each mate now has certain rights to each other's devotion,
and sense of duty to the marital union, which gives the children a secure foundation.
One spouse doesn't become the other spouse's property upon marriage,
although each mate now has certain rights to each other's devotion,
and sense of duty to the marital union, which gives the children a secure foundation.
Strong Opinion:
A marriage is more important that either of the people in that marriage,
because marriage is the union that binds two people,
to each other and to God.
This tri-parte union is what makes possible so many things that we
cannot do or cannot be ...without marriage.
Especially in creating a complete home for their children.
a meme for the wives
The Golden Rule
It's important to be considerate in marriage, without becoming a slave to someone else's obsessions. This consideration is often learned slowly, and best taught with a gentle hand.
Try using the 'Golden Rule in Marriage' article in this section.
If it can't pass the Golden Rule-test, we may not have the right to expect it.
Also,
neither spouse should let their home become a satellite-nation of their in-laws.
And in-laws need to step back, and let each couple form their own marriage.
Parents of grown children:
Try using the 'Golden Rule in Marriage' article in this section.
If it can't pass the Golden Rule-test, we may not have the right to expect it.
Also,
neither spouse should let their home become a satellite-nation of their in-laws.
And in-laws need to step back, and let each couple form their own marriage.
Parents of grown children:
Do not conspire with your adult child to manipulate their spouse,
unless you can use the Golden Rule,
and...
unless there a danger to the people in that household.
unless you can use the Golden Rule,
and...
unless there a danger to the people in that household.
WHO DECIDES
Workloads
Hardships in marriage can fester when one spouse feels they put more into the marriage
4) A spouse can feel abused if she or he has to do everything with the kids.
Comment: Parenting should be a shared effort, maybe switching tasks weekly if schedules permit.
When tasks are rotated, then each spouse has a clearer voice in their division of labor.
5) Authority v. Responsibility. Some spouses like to be the one to decide
Authority v. Responsibility means that the one doing the task, decides how it will be done.
A father has as much right to pick out a daughter's outfit - as the mother,
6) Some spouses are simply spoiled.
Comment: But you chose that person, and he or she is your child's bio-parent.
than the other spouse. Here are some reasons for this phenom:
1) One spouse may put more in hours at 'work' than the other spouse.
Both may have responsibilities that keep different numbers of hours.
1) One spouse may put more in hours at 'work' than the other spouse.
Both may have responsibilities that keep different numbers of hours.
The one who works the most hours - away from home - may feel entitled to crash
when coming home; to ignore the house and family.
when coming home; to ignore the house and family.
Comment: In some cases, this may be kinda-fair, except for ignoring relationships.
It is fair to rate job-exhaustion according to physical exertion and mental stress.
2) One spouse may hold an obsession about an aspect of home life,
and be very frustrated when the spouse won't cooperate with the obsession.
Comment: A spouse that waxes the water heater weekly, will likely think their spouse is a slob.
It is fair to rate job-exhaustion according to physical exertion and mental stress.
2) One spouse may hold an obsession about an aspect of home life,
and be very frustrated when the spouse won't cooperate with the obsession.
Comment: A spouse that waxes the water heater weekly, will likely think their spouse is a slob.
God may use one mate to confront the other mate's obsessions.....or indifference.
3) One spouse might put in more hours at 'domicile-work' and feel used.
3) One spouse might put in more hours at 'domicile-work' and feel used.
Their gauge of fairness is how much free time each spouse has.
Comment: This is fair, but those calculations should be done with the understanding
Comment: This is fair, but those calculations should be done with the understanding
that home-hobbies are not home-work, they are hobby-work.
Lawn mowing for most people is home-work;
Lawn mowing for most people is home-work;
flower-gardening is not home-work, it is a personal hobby, pursued for pleasure and status.
Woodworking is home-work if it means refinishing wood floors in the house.
If one is building a birdhouse, it is hobby-work, unless it earns a viable income.
(Working 15 hours to build a birdhouse that sells for $10 should be counted as a hobby)
And decorating a frilly bedroom or the man-cave should be counted as hobby-work.
Personal obsessions should not be counted as legitimate work.
Personal obsessions should not be counted as legitimate work.
I make quilts, but it is a pastime, not part of my revenue flow or my home-life duties.
4) A spouse can feel abused if she or he has to do everything with the kids.
Comment: Parenting should be a shared effort, maybe switching tasks weekly if schedules permit.
When tasks are rotated, then each spouse has a clearer voice in their division of labor.
5) Authority v. Responsibility. Some spouses like to be the one to decide
how everything is done, then assign the other spouse to do the actual work.
Comment: This seems really Plantation.
Comment: This seems really Plantation.
While it's one thing to say you don't like a certain spice in a dish,
it's another to tell the spouse how the dishwasher should be loaded.
Your spouse doesn't have to do anything perfectly, and certainly doesn't have to do it your way,
Your spouse doesn't have to do anything perfectly, and certainly doesn't have to do it your way,
unless you can prove your way is truly superior - in a way that is mathematically sound -
'best practices'.
Authority v. Responsibility means that the one doing the task, decides how it will be done.
A father has as much right to pick out a daughter's outfit - as the mother,
especially when dad is dressing the child.
6) Some spouses are simply spoiled.
Comment: But you chose that person, and he or she is your child's bio-parent.
Try to help them become better.