Dictionary(7 sections)
Every marriage has its own unique dictionary,with a Husband's Section and a Wife's section.
Photo: Ma barker
While all dictionaries should match, they seldom do.
Define Cold:
Yakutsk, Russia coldest recorded temperature is -83.9 F
Phoenix, AZ coldest recorded temp is +12 F
This is a 95 F difference.
Sex differences, cultural differences, geography. upbringing and so many other inputs
form our dictionaries.
(like family mis-training. Consider the influence of Ma Barker on her sons,
criminals during the Al Capone - era. Those boys had messed-up dictionaries)
criminals during the Al Capone - era. Those boys had messed-up dictionaries)
Yet, our differences are not always the result of evil intent.
Sometimes they just happen.
Difficulties arise when people try to alter the definition of a word to suit their agendas,
For example: "Anyone who isn't a liberal is a Nazi."
Yet liberals kill their own unborn children. Even Nazis didn't do that.
We need to understand each other's dictionaries,
AND confront entries that are meant to mislead, for no one has a right to deceive others.
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Passions shape perspective - either for good or for bad.
If we have a passion for helping others in some fashion,
our definition of 'sacrifice' is different from that of self-consumed narcissist.
People who have a passion only for themselves have a far different dictionary
than caring people.
But most of us are situated somewhere in-between ...
People who have a passion only for themselves have a far different dictionary
than caring people.
But most of us are situated somewhere in-between ...
in-between the worst of people and the best of people.
And our dictionaries show it.
And our dictionaries show it.
Below are items that tend to be grouped into men's or women's specialties.
"Just a few dollars will get this princessup and running again."
1954 or early-1955 Chevy 3100, 235 ci straight-6, 4-on-the-floor with grannie-low.
I drove this very type of truck as a teenager.
A part of me would like to find one to restore,
but.. there is so much to do with the few years I have left on this planet.
If I needed a truck, and such a truck dropped in my lap, I would be tempted,
but unless it does, I have other things to do.
How does a wife deal with a situation like this?
Ask your husband to nail down his definition of "a few dollars".
Ask him to make a list of parts that would be needed to rebuild the princess,
and the new tools he would have to buy.
(including machine-shop work he would have to sub-contract, for head/block planing,
and at least one trip to the Emergency Room)
Then ask him to get quotes for the parts needed.
Then talk to an expert restorer to calculate the hours of labor involved.
Let the math speak.
Math is a wonderful tool to help calibrate a person's dictionary, if it applies.
It applies to old cars and trucks.
"I'll be ready in a minute."
A minute is 60 seconds - there is no other scientifically-approved definition of 'minute'.
I don't understand why some people think others are so unimportant
that they can throw other people's precious time away.
If after applying makeup for 5-10 years, a woman doesn't know how long it will take
to finish getting ready, she might just offer to stay home.
We are given three things for free:
* Time
* Oxygen
* The opportunity for God's Salvation.
Oxygen can't really be wasted. We breathe just what we need and pass the rest on.
Our carbon dioxide (CO2) is given to trees that recycle it back into oxygen.
Time can be and usually is wasted. No human has lived that didn't waste some time.
Some people are time-gluttons, the same way some people are food-gluttons.
These people throw their own lives away
and they intentionally waste other people's time
when they live in a way that makes people wait for them.
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Does this mean we should never rest or recreate? Of course not.
A certain amount of sleep, of rest, and a certain amount of recreation
is necessary for mental and physical health. (sleep and rest are two different things)
And relationships require time.
My point here, is we shouldn't waste other people valuable lives
in pursuit of our own selfish aims. Not everything we each do needs to suit the other.
If I ever decided to explore the North Pole, I wouldn't expect my wife to accompany me.
Part of this issue is understanding our own and our mate's definition of 'Quality of Life'.
If our definition of 'quality of life' is having our mate waste their lives to wait for us,
this is Yuk.
And this goes for both sexes.
DICTIONARY
Math-warp
As you can see, the first two examples involve warped math.
(I love math; math creates tangible standards)
Deviating from a dictionary norm often means math-deception.
Selfish dictionaries and deceptive math go hand-in-hand.
When we were first married, I would take my wife to the grocery store (she doesn't drive).
She would say, "I just need a couple of things".
And her cart might look something like this.
This upset me, because I felt lied to.
I projected my expenses according to her estimations.
She may have thought she only needed a couple of things, but...
Why do people do this?
Now, my wife says, "I'm going to spend $400.
At least I don't feel lied to anymore.
"I Deserve....!"
Each of our dictionaries have several ghost writers.
Our parents, or lack of them, help write our dictionaries.
Our extended families, neighbors and favorite movie stars helped write our dictionaries.
To this day, a good pie is compared to my Grandma Goldie's pies.
Teachers and classmates, who either liked us, or didn't, helped write our dictionaries.
Contributors include world-famous heroes - and local villains from our childhoods.
And new successes and failures edit our dictionaries.
From these influences, we each carry attitudes,
that under scrutiny, reveals bits of our personalities...from each of our dictionaries...
One aspect of our personality is what we feel we deserve.
"I deserve..." ...........is what some would call 'expectations'.
Now... this attitude can either be healthy or unhealthy.
Self-promoters are always looking for better things and expect opportunities to get them,
or expect others to provide them.
But some believe they deserve only the scrap'ns from the bottom of the barrel.
A healthy marriage will explore each other's dictionaries
and help each other calibrate their "I deserve..."
The harvest from this effort will be a life with fewer difficulties.
DICTIONARY
The Chief Editor of every dictionary...
should be God.
We need to let Him calibrate our dictionaries to suit Him,
which may seem quite foreign to us.
