Medical Fatherlessness(4 sections)
Homeless, under a bridge
Perhaps you expected to see a hospital bed here,
to illustrate how some men are medically-unable to be dads.
but let's look under the bridge.
There are people who just can't live with others in a structured society.
Sadly, some of these men are veterans dealing with combat issues.
But mental health workers also like to put a mental health label
on people who are just naturally contrary to the status quo - on anything and everything,
including working, hygiene and parenting.
Some men are passive-aggressive anarchists.
I have visited with men who lived under a bridge,
and for them, life is just easier this way, even with its obvious challenges.
And yes, they have abandoned children that they have left floating in the wind.
Their children have a right to feel unloved by them.
Birth problems
Some fathers abandon the family,
because of a child with a physical, intellectual or behavioral issue.
I am about the age of the unidentified boys in the photo.
Back then, genetic issues were called 'birth defects',
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Sometimes, the dad doesn't want to spend the rest of his life accommodating his child's disability.
But is it always, completely, the father's fault if he is absent in these cases?
Not always. Here some contributing factors:
1) When a lesser-abled child is born, it is natural to ask why and how
two healthy people can conceive a less-abled children.
This can be a matter of a generations-deep, recessive gene in both parents
that showed itself in this conception, known as 'Mendelism'
Recessive Gene - Definition and Examples | Biology Dictionary
2) This could also be a fresh, first-generation problem, like 'fetal alcohol syndrome',
which is a mommy-issue. And guilt over a lesser-abled child can lower a woman's libido,
and sometimes her guilt pushes her...to push away her husband.
3) Mothers take lesser-abled births very personally, and simply, she may blame the dad.
And she may drive him away as punishment for making a less-abled child.
4) Sex makes babies, and before the days of affordable vasectomies, the prospect of sex
also brought the scary possibility of creating another less-abled child.
5) But at the same time, some women are determined to prove they can bear a fully-abled child,
and some use a different man to do so.
6) Mothers often feel guilty for bearing a less-abled child and spend a lot of time
caring for the child, accidentally or intentionally ignoring her husband.
Wives are meant to be wives, no matter their other circumstances
Often though, if the father helped more with the child,
the wife would have more time for her husband, if she wanted more time with him.
Another stewpot of puzzlements and partial answers, eh?
war veteran?
disabled dads
Some fathers are pushed out of the family
because the man has become disabled in some manner
and the mother doesn't want that burden in her life.
I had a pastor, now retired, who became a legal quadriplegic in the early 2000s,
with no use of his legs, and limited use of his upper body.
He told me how grateful he was that his wife stayed with him,
because his accident upended her life too.
Apparently 80% of marriages hit with a catastrophe like this - end in divorce.
And these tragedies not only bring physical disabilities,
but can also produce emotional things, like PTSD,
which can further create marital stresses.
If I could video-conference 1,000,000 fatherless men,
I'm sure I would snag several men on this topic,
and they may not even know that this is the reason
that their dad wasn't around.
MEDICAL FATHERLESSNESS
Institution life
Dormitory life, such as deaf or blind schools - separates children from their fathers.
Living in a dormitory is not like being at home.
I was bullied some in school, and I can imagine what it would have been like
to have that bullying extended into dormitory life.
People that grew up in this environment need to include themselves as partially fatherless;
a form of foster care, if you will.
