Fatherless by Adultery(4 sections)
photo: wellbeing.com.au
A father's adultery.
Revealed adultery can bring an explosion of tempers
and the collapse of a family.
Often times, it is inexcusable.
Other times, while adultery is always morally wrong....
Let me tell you a story:
My maternal-grandmother's mother. (my great-grandmother),
conceived five children, three of them died stillborn.
She always wore a corset, even while pregnant.
My grandmother believed that her mother's corsets killed her siblings.
Then my grandmother was born, healthy.
Then my uncle Frank was born, and he contracted Polio.
Uncle Frank spent the rest of his short life in a wheel chair.
My great-grandmother then devoted her life to my Great-Uncle Frank
and apparently neglected her husband in the process.
He began keeping one or more girlfriends.
My grandmother had to live within the boundaries of 'mistress-fatherlessness'
because my great-grandfather apparently was expected to live as a neglected husband,
which he refused to do.
Personally, I fault both of her parents.
Was he wrong to have sex with any other woman?
Absolutely...but if my assessment is correct,
the wife initiated the starving of her husband ... that further damaged the family.
As odd as it seems to some, for kids to get the dad they need,
the dad needs to have the primary share of his wife's devotion.
And this is the point of this piece:
to let people know that there are often two reasons that a marriage isn't working.
And blamed should be doled out accordingly.
But...should we place blame?
I vote yes.
If we grow up in the midst of flawed behaviors,
we are prone to repeat them -
unless we learn to despise the behaviors that harmed us.
We should despise any behaviors that damaged our childhoods.
Does that mean we reject the people that engage in those behaviors?
Sometimes, we can share an orbit of life with them without them further damaging us,
sometimes not.
Some people are pure poison.
A mother's adultery
When a married person has sex outside of marriage,
both the people are adulterers, even if one is single.
This is yet another reason why random, spontaneous sex is wrong...it is dangerous.
It is also dangerous to have sex with a woman whose history you don't know.
She might be married, or mentally ill.
Look at the reaction of the man in the background, seemingly the woman's husband.
That boy may be dead within a week.
He is foolish for being too friendly with a married woman.
Reserved politeness around unrelated females is the best policy.
I make it a point, when meeting a new couple, to refuse to memorize the wife's name
until I can remember the husband's name.
Modern DNA tests are pulling the bed covers off of a lot of hidden sex sins
that have been covered for decades.
And yes, some couples mingle sexually with the full consent of all.
This is when it becomes dangerous to fall for the girl next door.
She might be your half-sister.
ADULTERY FATHERLESSNESS
A mother's Adultery...and a contrary outcome.
Sometimes, a mother commits adultery, the couple divorces,
but then - the mother gets ... custody of the children?
How is that? That doesn't seem fair.
Well, Beloved; sometimes the father believes - rightly or wrongly,
that the child belongs to that other man.
Sometimes this is true, sometimes not.
And some men are so wanting to get away from an adulterous wife,
and they feel they are not equipped to care for children on their own,
that they will walk away from the pre-adultery children too.
I won't justify this, but be sure of your father's circumstances,
before you bang down your gavel.
It is always good, even if painful, for an adult fatherless person to talk to several relatives
(on both sides of the family) who were adults at the time of the separation,
to fill you in on the details and give you their impressions of the tragedy.
ADULTERY FATHERLESSNESS
Coming-out
When a father decides he wants to be a woman instead of a man
or decides he wants to have sex with men instead of his wife,
he is still committing adultery.
And then, not only does he destroy the marriage that gives his children security,
and he quits functioning as their mother's husband,
and...he can no longer be an example of a real man.
His son needs to go elsewhere to learn manliness,
because his daddy has utterly failed him.