Stepmothers(6 sections)
Even if dad comes home every evening,
there is a special kind of fatherlessness when having a cruel stepmother.
While some stepmothers are as kind as they are able,
and are emotionally as close to their stepchildren as their stepchildren will let them be...
some stepmothers are horrid, and I am not afraid to say this.
I have personally experienced several of them in different situations,
even though I grew up in a traditional home.
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Evil stepmothers make life a living Hell for their stepchildren,
and sometimes, the stepmother was first 'the other woman';
that stole their dad from their real mother.
I have a concrete example of that - from my childhood.
Let's look into this, for there are so many people of all ages - in anguish because of their stepmothers...
art by G.Cruikshank (1792-1878)
who also illustrated for Charles Dickens
Cinderella
Sorry, Guys, but I need to talk about a girl-victim for a while
to better illustrate evil stepmothers.
Some evils are timeless.
Cinderella is the English name for 'Cendrillion', a 1697 French fable with a moral teaching.
'Cinder' literally means fireplace ashes
and it was this girl's job to keep the fireplace clean.
And in those days of outdoor toilets, she was likely responsible for emptying
and cleaning the indoor toilet pots.
Cinderella found herself in this predicament because her father -
married a woman with two older daughters.
Life expectancy in 1700s Europe was 30-40 years,
factoring in infant mortality, disease mortality, childbirth mortality and war mortality.
Anyway, Cinderella's father - married a woman with previous children.
This woman made Cinderella her personal servant to her and her two daughters,
cleaning the fireplace and emptying their potties.
Perhaps the most important point that this fable doesn't focus on - is:
Cinderella's father was a very weak man.
Again - - - Cinderella's father was a very weak man,
and some of you have been pushed out of your father's life - by your stepmother
because your father is a very weak man.
As a result, you are suffering a form of fatherlessness.
You can't grow in your complete manliness this until you recognize this flaw
that too many men are subject to.
Cinderella had to rely on imaginary fairies and a make-believe prince
to get her away from an evil stepmother;
a situation her father never should have allowed.
STEPMOTHERS
True story from Texas
November 18, 2023.
I just watched a crime show, 'Cold Justice'
A Texas man with 4 children - his wife died.
Within a year of her death, he married an employee, a woman with 2 children,
then they had 2 of their own, together.
Years later, the man was murdered,
Many people, including his 1st-tier children, suspected his 2nd wife and one of her sons.
She was finally arrested after 35 years.
She allegedly skimmed money off his business, had an affair, and falsely claimed to have cancer.
Each for about 7 years.
She often ran the cash register at the grocery store he owned.
If she became angry at someone ... as they were leaving the store,
she would throw a knife towards the person, making it stick in the door frame next to their head.
Imagine then, the kind of life she gave her four stepchildren.
His 1st-tier children tried to convince their dad that his 2nd wife was having an affair.
He either wouldn't believe them or wouldn't do anything about it.
If she is found guilty, we can assume that he was another weak man, who failed his children,
and died because of his weakness.
link: Norma Allbritton Arrested For Husband’s Murder With 'Cold Justice' Help | Crime News (oxygen.com)
Hollywood
So often a male makes it big in Hollywood, or Nashville, or etc. -
then ditches his first wife and marries another woman,
who pursued him while he was still married.
One such BIG movie star of the 1950s and '60s had several children by his first wife
then took up with another woman.
He divorced his first wife, married the other woman, and they adopted a daughter.
He cut all his biochildren from his will.
UGH.
AND... I personally know of three more families that were affected this way,
my wife included.
These women bring their own children into another man's home
and expect him to evict his own children out of his life
and love her children and grandchildren more than his own.
That is a terrible betrayal.
marlon brando
Stepchildren...
To attempt some balance on this issue,
to be fair to decent stepmothers and stepfathers,
we need to discuss terrible step kids.
Even if we hate that our dad or mom is with someone else,
we should let our disrespect and distrust settle on the person(s) truly responsible
for the destruction of the parents' relationship.
And I think 'disrespect and distrust' is a good way to think toward parental-units,
whom we typically want to love, even when they utterly fail us.
Some step kids are terrible to stepparents, automatically rejecting any relationship with a stepparent, no matter the quality of the stepparent's heart. Step kids are in a situation they can't control, but often try to reunite the bio parents by trying to force the stepparent out.
My advice: You can't control this. Try to live in peace with a decent stepparent.
and wait until you are an adult to decide how to engage will all the adults in your life,
when you have the freedom to choose the depths of your relationships with your parental-units.
From the crime shows I've watched, the teens most likely to kill their parents,
are in a household where one 'parent' is actually a stepparent, (think Lizzie Borden)
or the killer-child is adopted.
are in a household where one 'parent' is actually a stepparent, (think Lizzie Borden)
or the killer-child is adopted.
Don't let your anger fester to this point.
Step-siblings
While we're on the step-subject, let's talk about stepsiblings.
This will be an awkward discussion.
You see, it is natural to love one's own children
more that we love someone else's children.
And it is also typical for a stepchild to feel rejected
when their stepparent favors their biokids over their stepchildren.
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But, on the other hand, it's kind of unfair for a stepchild
to expect to be as equally loved and be as favored as a biochild.
If I were a stepchild, I should not grieve over an absent father -
and yet expect my stepfather to love me like he loves his own biochildren.
It's pitiful when a child has to rely on another man for a father's love.
Your stepsiblings have the right to their biodad's full love,
and yes, you have to be there and witness it.
Biological children have a right to a special bond with each bioparent,
and I think this is true even in a blended family.
Now, there should always be fairness and affection -
a man shouldn't take up with a woman if he can't love all her children.
but as a father, I am most responsible for the children I helped create.
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And this is not an ugly truth. Consider the flip-flop for adopted children.
When a child learns they are adopted, how many of them search for their birth parents
and set about to establish a relationship with them?
In the eyes of the adoptive parents, all the decades of love and effort they have invested
have been flushed down the toilet.
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Yet in another twist, some people adopt only because they couldn't conceive on their own.
Humanity can be a dark, twisted assortment of hopes, motives and disappointments.
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Listen Stepchild, nearly every stepparent knows that they are your second choice,
and perhaps not even a choice,
considering the choices made by your biodad and biomom.
Expect no more from a stepparents them than your own bioparents gave you.
Often, your stepparents are not your real source of unhappiness;
that title goes to your bioparents.
And be grateful if your stepparent didn't enjoy making your life miserable
like Cinderella's stepmother.
And if you were literally brought into someone else's home,
be grateful to stepsiblings that shared a house with you,
and maybe even acted like friends and siblings.
Try not to be jealous of them.